And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
