I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
