My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
