Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
