This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Where did you get a picture of my penis
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize