Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
