my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
