cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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