I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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