no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
