escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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