The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Your penis caused this!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Panties = found
Randomize
