I skipped work to stalk him.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
