Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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