I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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