He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you have to choose: penises or morals?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
