I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
