All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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