Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
