Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize