absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
