Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Acid is not a monday night drug
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
