he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize