Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
