Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
