Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
