All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
