Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Randomize
