i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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