I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize