If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
