omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
