You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wish you could order shots online.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Dignity is for republicans.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
