The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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