Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
are you so shy because you have an std?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize