He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize