This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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