4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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