would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
