fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
this just has baby written all over it
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize