If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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