At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
