I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
