I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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