saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
