I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
