I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
