I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
