Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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