Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
