Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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