he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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