After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
