That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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