So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
