Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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