Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
