Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
