Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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