yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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