boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize