she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Randomize
